I need to get this off my chest; I hate sweetcorn.  The look of it, the taste, the way it hangs on my plate when I’m trying to poke it off with my fork.  Even on pizza I can still taste it, its like pouring a cup of acid down your throat except its alot worse than that. 

Sweetcorn has caused far more problems than people realise.  Out of all the fruit and veg out there, such as the beautiful green of broccoli or the vibrant red of tomato, sweetcorn has tarnished the colour yellow.  People now only buy bananas when they’re new and green, whilst butter is only bought in packaging that hides the colour of it.  We are also forced to wear suncream as the yellowness of the Sun is apparently bad for our skin.

You will also rarely see a yellow car on the road, yellow trousers will never be acceptable, and as Paris Hilton once said, “I like it, but it’s yellow, and I’m like, I didn’t want yellow for my engagement ring”.  Gold is out of fashion, in favour of silver.  How can a lesser metal be in favor?  Because it’s the same color as sweetcorn.

The fact that sweetcorn has made yellow teeth look repulsive has caused a major downfall to our mornings. Before the days of sweetcorn we could get out of bed and get on with our day. But with yellow teeth now being seen as “unhygienic” thanks to the resemblance of sweetcorn, our mornings are now ruined by the chore of brushing our teeth.  What exactly is wrong with yellow teeth?  Nothing much really.

In the office its common knowledge that reading black text from yellow paper is more forgiving on your eyes than reading from white. The trouble is that because sweetcorn has ruined the integrity of yellow, we all just assume yellow paper is cheap and nasty.  All office workers everywhere are suffering from eyestrain, and its all because of sweetcorn.

Now imagine for a second that you’re in a club and you see someone that immediately grabs your attention.  You buy them a drink and take them home for the night.  You’re both naked and about to have the night of your lives, but then as your new friend is kissing down your neck they notice a block of earwax hanging down the side of your face.  They run out of the house and your self-esteem is shattered, causing you to lose confidence in yourself and you’ll forever remain single.  Once again this just comes down to sweetcorn.

If earwax was green or red then it would be perfectly acceptable, but just because its yellow its more like a taboo.  According to many reputable online sites such as wiki.answers.com, earwax has many benefits such as fighting infections and “preventing foreign substances (including insects) from entering the auditory canal”.  We really shouldn’t let sweetcorn deny our body from protecting itself.  If all condoms were yellow would the HIV rate be even higher than it is now?

The fact is that is Sweetcorn is a virus slowly taking over and destroying anything that resembles it.  Remember The Simpsons?  The witty cartoon show of a family whose skin colour just happened to be yellow?  The spirit of the sweetcorn caught up with it, and now the show has lost its spark.  It’s no longer funny because the sweetcorn drained its energy.

So next time you eat a piece of sweetcorn, just remember you’re eating a disease that’s destroying everything in its path.  And If you’re not careful it will destroy you, and you’ll only have yourself to blame.