Most people think the only people who are addicted to chocolate are those weird divorced women who live alone and spend their evenings on the sofa, stroking their cat whilst nibbling (or scoffing, depending how depressed they are) a nice bar of chocolate, and I guess in most cases thats probably true, but let’s not forget that ordinary white guys like me can be addicted too.

Theres something about chocolate that just sooths me. The whole experience from when you buy it at the shops to when the sugar rush hits your head, its probably the greatest journey you can ever go on. I always find the purple wrapper of a Dairy Milk is like looking at a diamond ring, I find it just sparkles at you, gazing into your eyes until you give into temptation. Even though I’m sat here secluded in my office a part of my left eye can already see the Dairy Milk bar sitting in the local supermarket which I will soon buy on my lunchbreak.

When the first chunk of chocolate goes in my mouth the sensation is amazing. The chocolate immediately begins to melt on my tongue, and as I chew away I don’t have to worry about feeling hungry when I’m finished, because I’ve got another bar in the cupboard. Mmm. Theres always another bar in the cupboard.

I know that the word ‘addicted’ is only taken seriously if its about drugs or alcohol, that if you’re addicted to shopping then society just presumes you’re a bored single mum, whilst if you’re addicted to animal sex you’ll just be accused of having a fetish.  But I think being addicted to chocolate is very real and of course very serious.

All I know is that if I eat my Dairy Milk too quickly then my head goes a bit fuzzy, and maybe my teeth are not as white as a normal person, but it doesnt matter because everybody is addicted to something, nobodies an angel. Some people are addicted to alcohol and some people take drugs, whilst some people are just plain ugly (yeah fat men I’m looking at you, covering up your chins by growing a large beard which you try to justify because you listen to heavy metal, and fat girls who dress up as goths and cover themselves up in piercings just to make yourselves look more interesting). Oh yeah, this one probably comes under being addicted to greed, but i hate it when a fat person takes up 2 seats on the bus, they should really buy a ticket for each butt-cheek. Why should I stand just because you eat too much?? Anyway, fat-rant over, if having a fuzzy head and some bad teeth is a result of my addiction, then I’m all good.