So tonight I’ll be seeing Mirel and I can’t decide what to have for dinner. We’ve found this really good Indian takeaway place and their food is quite literally amazing, but then again I had a takeaway last week and I guess its not good to make takeaways a regular thing.

Maybe I’ll be healthy and cook myself a pasta and tomato dish. I have a beach holiday coming up and I don’t want to look like a bloated whale, but then again how is one meal going to make me fat? If I get a takeaway tonight, will I turn fat tomorrow? Probably not.

I’m just annoyed that so many things that we enjoy such as takeaways and drugs are bad for you. Why couldn’t God (or whoever decided these things) just make fruit and veg bad for you? Why is it that whenever I eat a chocolate bar I wonder if my next bite will give me diabetes?

When I eventually go to heaven, I’m going to ask God to make me a God on a newly born planet, and I’ll change the laws of life to make everybody happy. Takeaway food will be healthy and adultery will no longer be a sin.

I keep reading about men who worry about the size of their penises. Why couldn’t God give everybody the same size penis? In my world, everybody will get a 12-incher, and every woman will have large breasts. Flat-chested women are depressed, but in my world they will never feel sad again and food will no longer make them fat.

If there was an election to be God, I’m sure I’d win the vote. Anyway, back to Earth I go as a day of work awaits me. Goodbye.