Dont you just hate it when you’re about to put your feet up and relax only for something out of the blue to come along and disrupt it?

I was in my dressing gown and slippers about to settle down for a night of TV when I noticed something in the corner of my eye, and I looked round to see a large spider hanging against the wall.

I almost jumped out of my seat. I don’t understand why but spiders scare the hell out of me. They just don’t have that aura of friendliness that a ladybird or an ant has. So off went one of my slippers as I slowly sneaked towards him, ready to give him a quick death (I know some people find it more humane to catch and place them outside, but honestly it was cold and raining so he would have died anyway), however when I smacked the wall with the slipper I somehow missed and to my dismay the spider ran away.

I couldn’t spend the rest of the evening relaxing if I knew he was still out there. I mean what if he tries a revenge attack? I wouldn’t be able to sleep peacefully ever again. So with the slipper still in hand I searched and searched and eventually found him hiding amongst a bundle of clothes on the floor.

Once again I went for the kill, and again I failed. I could have sworn I got a direct hit, but there was no flattened body on the floor. I checked the back of my slipper expecting to find a mangled mess, but it was clean. So after another quick search I gave up and spent the rest of my evening in fear.

Sometimes I dread death, because if hell is a place of nightmares, then I’m going to have a horrible afterlife full of spiders.