I’m sat on the sofa and it’s nearly 8.30pm. I’ve just had some pizza and chips, and earlier I scoffed a few chocolates. Remarkably I’m not obese, but my teeth do feel funny. I haven’t brushed them since yesterday morning.

I usually begrudgingly brush them every morning. Why begrudgingly? Well, because it’s not very enjoyable. I don’t enjoy pulling strange faces infront of the mirror. The sad fact is there are just other things I’d rather be doing. A person has his hobbies, a person also has limited time.

I try to justify my laziness with teeth brushing by coming up with conspiracies. What if toothpaste makes your teeth worse if you do brush everyday? They want us to brush at least twice a day only so we can buy more of their product. Cavemen and women didn’t need it, so why should we?

Maybe the toothpaste companies are all in on it, but if I speak out they’ll send their teeth gangsters after me to sort me out.

I bet there is a similar conspiracy about shampoo, but with me being bald I don’t really care.