Opposite our house lives a woman called Kayleigh.  I don’t know her personally, but judging from what I have seen I have noticed the following: she’s unemployed, looks suspiciously inbred, wears a dressing gown during daylight hours, has bleach blonde hair tied up, and she has countless children with no sign of any father(s).

Usually she keeps herself to herself.  In the many years I have lived on this estate I’ve only ever noticed her when she pops out for a cigarette.  However, recently she has made herself known on the neighbourhood WhatsApp group, and in turn has gained many plaudits from our neighbours.  You see, crime in our estate has noticeably gone up, and Kayleigh has proactively gone out of her way to message local councillors and others in power to make them aware of our recent troubles.

For instance, last weekend the police gave chase to a gang of youths, who managed to escape, but not before hiding their weapons just incase they were caught.  Kayleigh led a call in our community WhatsApp group to retrieve the weapons and hand them in, and she has kept us updated of any news she has heard from the local council.

Her dedication seems commendable.

The only thing is, the recent crime here is caused by her very own household.  In fact, if it wasn’t for her and her druggie deadbeat children, there probably wouldn’t be any crime on our estate at all.

Her house has been targeted by gangs with ‘zombie’ knives who have recently tried to force their way into her home.  More recently her front window was smashed in.  She insists her children are innocent, and that there is no reason at all for these gangs to be ignoring every identical looking house on the street except hers.

If Kayleigh put all the effort of looking like a good mother into actually being a good mother, then I’m sure these issues wouldn’t be happening.  At the very least, if your children are in the business of buying drugs,  you could at least tell them to pay their drug dealers on time.  But until then, we’ll just have to remain vigilant and hope the crime rate will eventually go down, with or without Kayleigh’s “help”.